♥琦 vivy's blog♥

Wednesday, January 4, 2012 ♥ 7:30 PM

其实觉得justin说得很对～
自己知道怎么爱了吗？

最近想了很多。。。
其实想了，和没想，并没有什么差别~~

心情烂了很多天。。。
快被那感觉吞没了。。。
还好有很多人陪在我身边~~~

有很棒的朋友和亲戚~
Aaron~
Janet~
Justin~
Wenchun~
Jiantat~
weien~
enchie~
wanxuan~
chow xiong~
Thomas~
rofina~
Hai Ning~
Qianyee~
Jia xin
还有很多很多~~~~

谢谢你们了~~
有你们，
真的好棒

Thursday, July 7, 2011 ♥ 10:19 PM

I tends to write when I am not feeling good. Life is not perfect isn't it. There are prone to be setbacks. Why do setbacks in other people's life can affect me so much too? If only I could shut off those feelings....

Freedom and happiness..... Two of the many aspects in measuring the level of development in a country. Why are these aspects taken into account?

Freedom! Define the word freedom. Freedom is having the choice and opportunity to do what one wants to do. People define this word differently. At least, this is the way I describe such abstract noun. Freedom....

It dawned upon me that freedom is like a kind of drug. People can lie their way through in order to gain their freedoms. Freedom can be taken away and given so easily. It is priceless. You can only buy it from the one and only person in your life. Expensive beyond comprehend. Not everybody could afford it, afford freedom. But it is so addictive, as long as you have a taste of it, and it is taken away from you,you do not want to give it up. At least not so easily.

If freedom is a drug, then what are the ingredients for making it? Hurt, tears,distrust,heartaches, painful memories,lies after lies, insomnia,worries, FEAR. A drug made up of these ingredients. Why do people still crave for it?
The reason is simple. Nothing too complicated. It is because god created you in such way.

Drug can break one's family. This goes the same as freedom.If freedom is something you have to earn in the family, it is only wise for you work to for it. Even if it means you have to work very, extremely hard. If freedom is given, then it is a drug that you could afford. You can have excess to it whenever you want. Lying your way through to get it, you would find yourself at the end of the road. It makes life hard for the supplier,the consumer and the people around this two main characters.

A family that only provide limited amount of freedom or not at all to the one that is craving for it. The story for this family would not be good. On the other hand, if a family gives too much freedom, the ending for them would not be perfect either. Simply because freedom is a drug. It is only a drug that kills if you take too much of them or not at all.

If only I know the cure to this particular drug...... If only there is a cure to this kind of drug.....We say birds represent freedom. They can have the excess to the sky whenever they want. But does it occur to you that we said sky is the limit too???

Saturday, March 5, 2011 ♥ 10:46 PM

My blog is DEAD :X
Awwwwwwww>.<
so I shall blog now!

Time flies!
I know it's cliche to say this,
But time really pass without me realizing.

A lot of things happen for past two months.
Both personal and non personal

My class this year is "uncontrollable" ,
Its still the same people that made up the class~
but how could it be so different!
I really don't understand what the others are thinking~

Everyone seems to be putting up an act,
They only show you what they wanted you to see!
How the hell am I suppose to know who to trust and who not to!

2011 is a very unsociable year for me.
I don't mix with other people,
I don't talk crap,
I don't joke around anymore!

I prefer silence,
Small talk among usual clique, usual people~
I don't even text now!
That's like "wow"

Well!
My life seems to be crumbling~

I am very bad in expressing myself,
What I truly felt deep inside my heart!
I keep on telling myself that I have to open up,
Don't keep everything to myself,
For fear that people might hurt me,
Or worst,
I might hurt people without me knowing!

I found that I am indeed very jealous of her.
How could she be so perfect?
So outstanding?
So popular?
People seems to be treating her with all their heart and soul~
She seems so important to everyone.

I have to admit that I am jealous of her,
But on the other hand,
I don't hate her,
I LIKE her.
I don't think that anyone is even capable of not liking her actually~

Well~
Jealous is jealous~
but I still like her as a friend.
She is definitely a very good friend to keep,
Very reliable,
Very sweet:D
Ahem!
That girl is you!
Hilary Tay huimin<3

Tuesday, January 4, 2011 ♥ 9:22 PM

Well....
I gave up the idea of concord college!
Being a wise decision or not,
I will try to make up the best in my final decision.
My father is ok with me going to a poly,
But my aunts will definitely kill me!!!!!

What I have to do now is worry about my O level
And prepare myself for the papers
I have got to study I guess.
To improve my fantastic english,
And my fabulous A math>.<

Well......
I gave up UK just because of one single reason,
I don't even need to list out all the pros and cons

If I were to go concord,
My father can't retire next year.

My father is okay with him working,
But I have a GIGANTIC not okay!!!

I have been pestering him since last year,
Just retire!!!
Although he is only 50 years old by then,
But I think it's time for him to enjoy his life~
I cant and I won't be selfish,
I will give up everything for him,
Even if it means I got to study in Malaysia in a malay school

Wednesday, December 29, 2010 ♥ 8:29 PM

i realized that all these time,

i have been chasing something/someone that doesn't belong to me,

or never will be....

why am i wasting my time??

i don't know

my brain calls me "dumbass" and ask me to move on

but my heart isn't ready to do so

i can close my eyes to whatever/whoever that i don't wish to see,

if only i could close my heart to whatever feelings i don't wish to feel :(

there is too much " what if" in my life recently....

i got to stop them

sooner or later

sometimes i wonder

do i really understand myself?

what i want,

or what really matters to me

i don't know

seriously~~

i must find my own north

someday

life is not suppose to be meaningless

i spent this long holiday wondering and thinking about loads of things

being one of the top student in singapore doesn't even excites me,

i am seriously wondering what is wrong with me?!!!

maybe i need to find something that is hard for me to achieve

set a target for myself??

but what do i really want???

fun??

laughter??

music??

books??

good question!

again,

i am wondering....

sometimes i want to meet obstacles

something that will keep my mind busy from thinking/ working

pleasing miss ang with proposals suddenly sounds like a great idea

i don't know what i am talking about,

but i seriously wish that O level is much more challenging than N level

at least i can occupy myself with studying,

if i find a need to it,

then i will ( i guess and i hope)

i wish things like studying,

even practicing piano is hard>.<

maybe i feel that way cause everything is too easy

i know i sound cocky,

even bustard

but seriously>.<

i am living my life without purpose,

and achieving a lot of things me,MYSELF

doesn't even feel proud of

i can say that my life is too screwed

Monday, November 15, 2010 ♥ 10:17 PM

i am so selfish.

it doesn't even cross my mind that i might be the cause of it.

it just doesn't feel right to blog about today's outing.

it doesn't comprehend with my current disoriented mood.

i was glad that i saw the sea today.

it carried away and healed some of my wounds.

memories that i had officially declared highly confidential

and had been locked in the deepest cell of my heart

was being broken into.

it has taken me over a year to lock it,

but it is so vulnerable,

it was being broken into so easily,

a lot easier than i had been imaging,

the key to the cell is just

a single message received out of the blue~

maybe,

i should get over it,

and start building another cell.

the strongest i can made.

lock those feelings into the cell,

send a single prayer,

and throw the key into the sea

i like sea a lot

it calms me down.

maybe it is because

the sea doesn't seem to

come to an end.

i don't know why i am blogging about all these shit,

but the fact is that.

i really don't want to know the reason behind it.

as nina said :

what's yours, is always yours.

Saturday, November 13, 2010 ♥ 11:28 AM

WAAAAAAA!!!!!

I CAN'T HELP IT!!!!

I MISS THEM SO FREAKING DAMN MUCH!!!!

>.<

ytd nite was AWESOME!!!

saw loads of primary sch frens :D

all used to be my buddies.

muhahahhasss :D

i really treasure those times man!!!!!

waliao!!!!

i dun hv weisiang's photo!!!

yijie's and teeyong's is epic fail!!!

i dun hv shiyuan one oso!!!!

WTH!!!

we nvr even take group photo!!!!

GOSH!!!!!

ytd talk loads of craps i did in primary sch>.<

i really miss it man!!!!!!

singapore life is not as fun.

although i get loads of freedom in singapore

but the amount of "fun" i had is really limited addition!!!

i miss esther so much!!!

she abandoned mii and went for class outing:(

but yea...

i am god damn happie to see my buddy "lolipop"!!!

i knew him since 4 yrs old :D

nvr see him for 3 yrs +!!!!

WOW!!!

i miss him!!!

adrian, fangqi,weisiang too :D

waaaaa....

i m going primary sch life blue~